Horror in Your Brother-in-law's Basement

Move over Nightmare on 13th. We don't even want to hear about the Haunted Forest. We're here to bring you.............

The Basement of Despair!!!!!

Starring:

Mikkena as the Undead Disco Witch looking for her R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Alexis as the Maid and Paisley as the Ghost Baby

Tagan as the Mini Protector

And Deacon as the Spooky Butler





Come Visit.....If you dare!

How to BOOM without the Buck

One look at the $350 "bargain" priced firework package at Walmart and I knew I was in trouble. What's a poor college family with a hankerin for blowing stuff up going to do? Was Independence day over before it even began? Not if you're hanging with the Hills. We don't let being financially challenged stop us from making things go BOOM! Especially if we have some duct tape.


My Nephew Xander and I settled on a rock solid design for a rocket and tested it for launch.

It worked pretty good. See for your self. WARNING: Only the first 20 seconds of the video is relevant to rocket launching. The last part of the film is my artsy film director's (Mikkena) riveting documentary on child seating order during rocket launches. As you will soon see, Paisley will let Cody sit by her next time.

Apparently our "rock solid" design wasn't as rock solid as we thought. That's why I'm in school for counseling and not engineering. Look at Tagen's face, I think he's judging me.

After we got tired of shooting things in the air we decided to throw stuff at each other. The game started out boys versus girls, that is until my first water balloon smashed Elyse in the face. We then rearranged the teams so that it was everyone against me. I lost.






Elyse rushing me from behind posed a challenge, luckily I blocked it with my third hand conveniently protruding from my left hip.

Let's just say the coolest part of our day was not the fireworks.

She's BAAAAAAAACK!

Don't let her "Where's the beef?" look or her snaggle-tooth-canine grin fool you. This is not a dog, it's a baby. First, she's 5 pounds, she's carried every where she goes, she shakes when she's cold or scared and.....

She goes on walks being pushed in a stroller.

This is just getting sad. If Amber doesn't get pregnant soon we are going to have a zoo.

For those of you who don't remember Roxy's story check out my July 8th, 2008 post. Roxy was not in very good shape when we found her, and she is very fortunate that the Birchalls took such great care of her over the past year. Her breath has been officially downgraded from suffocating to poo-poo and she has gained 2 pounds (that's nearly half of her body weight). Well, she fits in our condo, and we love her. Mikkena really, really loves her.

PLUS!

I lifted this photo of my nephew Marcus off of my sister's (Adrienne) blog. I'm just surprised how much they are pushing the limits of infant fashion down in Kentucky. I thought cleavage showing peep-holes were reserved for the red carpet. I've tried a similar look, but mine was met with less enthusiasm.

Crack is wack!

The work begins..........

This week my youngest brother, Zach (you may remember him as the puking peep contest winner), left on a mission to Singapore. Before he left, he went on a 4 day lecture tour (he was receiving the lectures). His final stop was my house where I proceeded to deliver a two hour power point presentation on how to be a good missionary (only partly true). I figure I was fulfilling my two-part role as the oldest brother. I beat him up for the first 19 years of his life, now I get to spend the rest of the time telling him what to do. If he's smart, he'll forget half of the crap I told him and just work hard and have faith. I'm proud of you Zach! I can't wait to hear all about your time in Singapore. That is, if you can make it out of the MTC alive.

If any one wants to follow Zach's journey check out the link on my blog list thingy.

Missing Jane

This week our beloved Grandmother Jane returned to her Heavenly Father. I cannot say enough kind words about her. She was a wonderful, caring, loving, and spunky lady. She truly enriched our lives and we will miss her.

Annie's revenge

Last Thursday Amber's appendix (Annie) decided to make her presence known. She was tired of always being under-appreciated and considered a useless vestigial organ. She had her 15 minutes of fame, and we all paid attention. But sadly, this move ultimately led to her demise.

Amber came home from spending time preparing her grandmother, who had recently passed away, for her funeral, when she began complaining of stomach pains. She told me that it was the worse pain she had ever felt and told me that she needed an ambulance. I then gave the expert advice of "maybe we should just wait it out". We compromised and Amber let me drive her to the emergency room. It's a good thing she had her eyes closed so she didn't see me driving 75 MPH in a 40 MPH zone, or the 3 stop lights I ran. Mikkena noticed. Sorry Mikkena.

We arrived at the emergency room at 11:00 at night. After 4 hours of blood tests, CAT scans, puking, and prodding, Amber was admitted to the hospital for an emergency appendectomy. Sorry Annie, maybe you should have just used your words.

At least Amber got to eat hospital food, which in her case is a good thing. We want to thank every one for your help and your visits, especially Sherine, Todd and Brandi. Thanks for taking care of Mikkena while we were having fun.

puking peeps for perfect chocolate

The quest for the perfect chocolate budget bunny continues! I decided to sacrifice my body yet again for the noble goal of saving Mikkena's Easter from bad chocolate.

First on the list is Hershey's. Instead of the "Yummy" bunny we now have the "Speedy" bunny. The only place that bunny is speeding off to is the toilet. The chocolate tasted processed, and way too sweet. I couldn't eat more than a few bites.

Next we have the Russel Stover milk chocolate bunny. The chocolate had a cheap consistency. It was hard, dry, and splintered when I bit into it. But this chocolate had more flavor than any other chocolate I have tasted. It had a very pleasant peanutty aftertaste. Definitely not too sweet.

Last, we have the Lindt bunny. After eating this bunny I need to apologize about my disparaging comments towards hollow chocolate bunnies. I'm sorry mister Lindt bunny, I didn't know you were out there when I said those mean things. Can we still be friends? Needless to say Lindt makes good chocolate. It was soft, pliable and melted easily in my mouth. The chocolate was flavorful, and smooth. Just plain good.

In order of worse to best the final list is:

5. Palmer's "Yummy" Bunny

4. Hershey's "Speedy" Bunny

3. Russel Stover's Milk Chocolate Bunny

2. Dove Milk Chocolate Solid Bunny

1. Lindt

Final thought on chocolate bunnies: Families on extreme budgets should go for Russel Stover over Palmer and Hershey any day. That bunny is surprisingly tasty.

Now to the competition!

I decided to break the competition into two categories. Adults and tweens. First to the Tweens.

For the Tween portion of the competition I thought it was best to use the new devil-colored peeps. It was a hard fought fight. The two big trash talkers (my nephews Cody and Tobin) came in tied for second place at 6 peeps a piece.

Tobin did win style points for his pre-smashed peeps strategy.

Cody also got some for the most disgusting stained-red teeth while drooling on his own hand picture.

But in the end they were beat out by Cooper and Mikkena who tied for first place with 7 peeps a piece.

I've never been more proud! And you thought it didn't look fun.

Victory is sweet!

Now to those who should know better.

Look at that super couple. I got 10 peeps and Amber pulled off 5.

Adrienne, Nyssa, Zach and Sabin joined the contest from Las Vegas. Nyssa held down 3 and Adrienne held down 4.

It came down to a run off between the boys. Zach's previous record of 13 was shattered by the Army man pounding in one more.

Can the king of stupid-human contests pull of yet another victory from behind?

Yes he does! 15 peeps in the kisser. By the way Zach, this photo is going to bite you in the butt when you're trying to get the pretty ladies to write to you in Singapore. Just let them know that you are the proud winner of a Lindt chocolate bunny....to be mailed off shortly.

Saving Easter with my peeps

Mikkena and I were walking through the Holiday section of Smiths when Mikkena told me that Easter was her favorite holiday. Since, I measure each holiday strictly by candy quality I was naturally appalled. The only holiday that has worse candy than Easter is Arbor day. As a kid I remember waking up early on Easter morning and biting off the head of a chalky, hollow, and pastel chocolate bunny. I have never been more disappointed. The only thing that saved Easter for me is low-budget black licorice jelly beans. MMMM (and I'm serious they're delicious). I hope you had your hanky near for that story.

That's why I never want to see another child suffer the same horrible fate as me. After Mikkena told me that she has always wanted a chocolate bunny for Easter I decided that I will need to find and test several chocolate bunnies to ensure that Easter remains Mikkena's favorite holiday. I won't let you down!

First off, this one.

Don't let it's packaging deceive you. Even though the bunny is labeled "yummy" and "totally delicious" I was suspicious. Methinks the bunny doth protest to much. Sure enough it was revolting. It tasted like way-too-sweet syrupy wax. Also, I can't get over how sad it is to bite into a hollow bunny. Good thing I was only out a buck.

The next one I tried was a Dove bunny. This one had some clear improvements over Mr. braggy bunny. First off it was solid chocolate. The chocolate was rich and not too sweet. In fact it was exactly like the smaller dove chocolates except larger and in the shape of a bunny. I don't know why I expected something different. It was more of an investment at $3.50, but it was superior in every way to the first test rabbit. Given how many choco bunnies I will probably go through, I have imposed a 5 dollar limit per bunny. The search must go on!

After testing bunnies we did the next logical thing, we tried to see how many Peeps we can stuff in our mouths at one time.

Our friend AJ successfully got 5 marshmallow fowls into his mouth.

I got 10. I think I had room for one or two more but the little dudes kept pushing on my gaggy ball.

Tune in next time for more bunny tests, but in the mean time, we are having Hanging With the Hill's first contest. I will find the most delicious chocolate bunny and award it to the individual who can shove the most peeps in his or her mouth. Here are the rules

1. You must have a witness.

2. You must be able to completely close your mouth.

3. I want a picture.

Just cram, snap a pic, and send it to me jaredrhill@yahoo.com . The person with the most peeps gets a choco bunny.