I have a problem. I knew I had a problem before I was officially diagnosed with an acute sugar addiction 10 years ago (true story). Now, don't worry about me, I'm fine. I can quit any time I want, but if you suspect that you or a loved one suffers from this horrible yet delicious disease here are some warning signs.
1. Day dreaming about candy while at work or in class.
2. Buying two barrels of Red Vines because you know one won't last the day.
3. Hiding at least three candy stashes "just in case".
4. Four root canals.
5. Caring more about the white-rabbit-melamine scare than the fact that your bank just went bankrupt.
6. Making a trash stop before coming home from work so your wife won't find the four Skittles and the two Three-Musketeers wrappers.
7. You consider peanut M&Ms "healthy" because they contain protein.
8. People ask "what's that fruity smell?" every time you open your mouth.
9. You carry around black licorice not because it's your favorite, but because you know no one will ask you to share.
10. You used to eat ice cream with friends, but now you just eat alone.
I know that there are health concerns for people that have high sugar diets, such as an increased risk for diabetes, obesity and tooth decay, but there are some hidden health benefits that most people are unaware of that I believe offset those risks. I have gathered a few of these gems during my 28 years researching the subject.
1. Cinnamon bears cure sore throats. That's right, move over Halls. Next time you have a sore throat reach for the Cinnamon bears, you'll be glad you did. I will warn you though, you'll need to eat a lot, but if you're anything like me that won't be a problem.
2. Jelly beans counter act almost all of the negative symptoms of vomiting. I discovered this on Easter morning 1989. I had the flu, but I didn't let that stop me from partying hard with my peeps! Trust me, it's almost as good coming up as going down.
3. Candy stops violence. I've never been beat up after giving someone a snickers.
4. Candy may be bad for your body, but it is good for your soul.
By the way, my favorite is Dots. 
or Jelly Belly's when I'm feeling snooty.
7 comments:
oh my gosh! i laughed so hard when I read this!!! PS. Happy Birthday. :)
Nice - I'm with you on the Peanut M&M's (my personal fav) and, of course, being the candy snob, you know the order in which to eat a Twix bar, right? Who needs french chocolate - give me Hershey's anyday!
You and Jaxon could be best friends!!
I have to say that m&ms really are more nutritious because they have nuts in them. Snickers are too. they both are better when mixed into ice cream.I'm just glad you didn't blame all that on me. The other kids would have said it is hereditary.You got it from your mom.It was pretty funny since you probably saw me do all those things
SO funny because as I was reading this, I was totally thinking "yeah, you got that from Mom..." and then I read the comments. LOL!!!
You know what's sad? This baby doesn't like sugar. I'll stand in front of the candy at the store and try to talk myself into getting some sort of candy and I just [i]don't[/i] want it. It makes me so sad. I miss candy! Is it considered an addiction you do that?
Oh yeah, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!
happy b-day man. funny post!
I forgot to tell you that chocolate covered cinnamon bears not only will cure your sore throat but will make you forget all your troubles.
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